He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
