Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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