his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's get the cat blown out
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
