just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He did a backflip because drugs
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
