I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize