you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
