dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
