He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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