Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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