did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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