After last night, I could never be a politician.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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