I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
