so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
