Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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