Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
