We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
