my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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