I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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