yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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