Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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