I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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