im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize