Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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