sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i came on her dog
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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