Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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