remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
