i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
