its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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