i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
