Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
