Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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