she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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