just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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