I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
