are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize