Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize