My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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