Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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