I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
