Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
