I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She needs sedatives and a leash
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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