They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
