So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
