The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
