You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
