Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
