She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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