It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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