my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
