If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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