Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
