Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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