Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
