This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
