After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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