apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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