So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
