we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
