If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize