That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
