Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize