I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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