Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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