wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
