Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
