I want you more than these girls want KFC
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
