Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Plan B is the new Plan A
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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