im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
