He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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