Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Terrible idea I love it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
