...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
