3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
