He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
