I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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