I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
