I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
