We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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