I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize