My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
