I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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