The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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