I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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