I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
