U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
