whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
