you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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