Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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