Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
