i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
